"Autumn Days When The Grass Is Jewelled.....".
By Claire Edwards DSNU
October 2026
The things we remember and the things we forget, or don’t recall until sometime later can seem to follow no order, reason or logic. The memories of things we wish we could forget can haunt us and can be so strongly recalled that the emotions they invoke can cause us to have the same physiological response, our adrenalin begins to increase as the natural fight of flight instinct begins to kick in as the body believes the thing we are recalling, and becoming distressed by, is happening in that very moment rather than reliving the memory.
The opposite is true of when we remember a moment in our life that brought us great joy. We may find ourselves smiling or laughing out loud, and this will obviously mean that our body benefits from the memory, not just mentally but physically too. We are often told “laughter is the best medicine”.
There was a film many years ago called “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” where after hearing that his ex-girlfriend has under gone a procedure to remove her memories of him, the man decides to do the same, starting with his last memory of her which was a bad one due to it being of the time they argued and split up, before working his way back to the joyful memory of when they first met and fell in love.
In the recent film “The Sheep Detectives”, which is truly wonderful & very spiritual, the sheep can choose to erase their memories, but when their shepherd is murdered and comes back from the Spirit world, he explains that “It hurts, remembering hurts, but it’s our memory that keeps the ones we love alive”.
Since May, and the sudden passing of my Mother, there have been memories recent, and long forgotten, that have come to mind that have made me smile. I am also finding some still sting. I also grieve the memories that we can no longer make together, with my children and with my Father, the physical absence becoming firmer in our reality now.
Coupled with the end of my 14 year or so relationship and the grieving of the time lost as a whole family, and again the recollection of memories good and bad, I am trying to learn how not to relive the negative, to not allow the pain of the past to affect me physically to the extent of causing distress to my body as well as my emotions. It is no mean feat!
I am also aware of not looking through rose-tinted glasses at the past as well. This alone illustrates how complex our minds and emotions are, and how the impact of that which we experience shapes our lives in ways we underestimate and are often ignorant of, as well as powerfully affecting us physically too.
But with this in mind, I was recalling a phrase I heard from a friend about “emotional regulation” which means noticing the emotions we are feeling as we feel them and choosing how we act. It’s not about ignoring them or suppressing them, more it’s okay to feel them, but that we have the control over how we respond. I hadn’t realised when she mentioned this to me, that this something I am frequently saying to people, particularly during sittings, that it is okay to feel how they feel, that it is okay to be sad or angry, it okay to feel lost and hopeless, it is a part of life and how we learn the lessons that we are to undergo.
But it struck me, that we rarely stop to acknowledge the positive emotions, the times when we are happy because we have shared a joke with a loved one or a delicious meal that has left us feeling nourished and content. We seem to dwell on the things, experiences and people whom have made us feel angry or sad or both.
We seem to mark the passage of time by the things that we undergo that are negative. People seem to forget to acknowledge our triumphs and joys. If something “bad” happens during our day, it seems to be that which we mostly recall at bedtime, or is the first thing we talk about to another person when they ask how our day was.
I ponder why this is so. Is it just the human condition? Is it because the thing that has upset us has quickly wrought a deep wound that it tarnishes and spoils our day completely? Is it that we expect “good” outcomes more readily than we mindfully acknowledge, and therefore dismiss them due to sub-consciously expecting things to go as planned?
Some things that happen during the course of our day can have a life changing impact upon us, the sudden passing of a loved one or the birth of child for example, but overall those are not “ordinary everyday” occurrences. The days of great sadness, and sadly great joy, seem to be far between.
Our days becoming mundane and formulaic while we hope for a spontaneous event, or wait for the moment a planned experience becomes a fond or happy memory, a birthday party, a holiday or the like for example.
So with that in mind, it occurred to me that in reality mostly the things that happen in our day are somewhere in the middle of either truly awful or truly awe inspiring. As such perhaps it is contentment, and the actual contemplation of the blessings that we have that we should consider as we lay our heads upon our pillows each sunset.
Now I do appreciate that for many the difficult times and experiences are not over in one hour or one day, and that some things we undergo do so for a period of time, but so too do the good times, they do last longer that one hour or one day and indeed do continue beyond. It seems that we forget to acknowledge or recognising them.
Maybe we can all consider whether today is a good day and if so why, and if it is not, then I sincerely hope that there will eventually be balance once more, contentment and peace returning.
I love Autumn and each year I find myself singing the following song, sung with gusto at my primary school each year. It is the beauty of the simple things, the joy of the normality, the calmness and security of a boring day.
It is gratitude for all that we have, and who we are, as we walk our pathway wherever that may take us, making memories, that hopefully in the main, we will recall and smile once more, and that the tears that fall in our memories of grief will ultimately be fewer than the tears of joyful remembering.
Autumn days when the grass is jewelled
And the silk inside a chestnut shell,
Jet planes meeting in the air to be refuelled
All these things I love so well.
So I mustn't forget,
No, I mustn't forget,
To say a great big thank you,
I mustn't forget.
Clouds that look like familiar faces,
And a winter's moon with frosted rings,
Smell of bacon as I fasten up my laces,
And the song the milkman sings.
So I mustn't forget,
No, I mustn't forget,
To say a great big thank you,
I mustn't forget.
Whipped-up spray that is rainbow-scattered,
And a swallow curving in the sky,
Shoes so comfy though they're worn out and they're battered,
And the taste of apple pie.
So I mustn't forget,
No, I mustn't forget,
To say a great big thank you,
I mustn't forget.
Scent of gardens when the rain's been falling,
And a minnow darting down a stream,
Picked-up engine that's been stuttering and stalling,
And a win for my home team.
So I mustn't forget,
No, I mustn't forget,
To say a great big thank you,
I mustn't forget.
To say a great big thank you,
I mustn't forget.
By Estelle White - 1969
thepromiseofthejoytocome@outlook.com